Learning to LET GO while STAYING IN THE KNOW

I will always be their biggest and loudest cheerleader!

Anyone else struggling with watching their teengers become more and more independent?  I really never knew how hard it would be to watch my kids become adults. I think as a mom, the stage of letting GO has been by far the hardest one yet.  

For the past 16 years, my life has been ALL about my kids. I think I can count on one hand the amount of games, concerts or events that my children have participated in that I have missed.  My social calendar was built around my kids' activities and I LOVED every single minute of it. I enjoyed the hustle and bustle of being involved in so much. I wouldn't have wanted my free hours to be spent any other way.  I LOVE being their mom and loved being so closely involved in everything they did!

But there comes a moment where things change right before your eyes. I can’t even remember when it happened exactly but somewhere along the line my ROLE as a mom changed…  I am no longer the calendar creator, homework helper or the decision maker.  

Don’t get me wrong, I still make decisions and have rules… However, the decisions that need to be made about friends, relationships, sports, activities or how they spend their free time are no longer just mine to make. When kids are young, parents organize friend groups and social gatherings , we sign them up for sporting events and after school activities, we fill their calendar with zoo trips, movie theater get-togethers and pool days. The weekends are spent having cookouts and bonfires with their friends and their families. Their calendars were ours to make and things just seemed to be easy…

And then one day EVERYTHING changes.  For those of you that have gone through it, why didn’t you warn me? People talk so much about the challenges of being a new mom but no one really talks about how hard it is to become a “letting them go” mom.  Becoming less and less needed hits a new level of hard.   

For those of you about to enter the stage of letting go, let me share some of the hard realities you will soon face:

• Nights of homework and working on school projects together just disappear. When your kids do well at school, the only updates you will get on school work and grades comes from PowerSchool notifications.

• Instead of checking your kids tech devices, you will catch yourself checking life 360 on your own device a million times a day. When your kid gets their license, this app becomes your new social media obsession... especially after you get a call from your new teen driver saying they were in a car accident while behind the wheel. That feeing is one i don’t wish on anyone… (luckily no one was hurt, but the jeep on the other hand is no longer with us)

• Sit down dinners together happen less and less frequently. I mean unless you’re willing to dine at chipotle every night. 🤪

• You go from knowing everything about their friends and their social circle to looking at your husband asking "Who did he go with? What grade are they in?"

• Instead of organizing their social life you are now just a spectator ,...only getting glimpses of their social circle through their tik tok posts, instagram reel or Snapchat story.

• Holidays you use to spend weeks of planning for, now just become regular days. No more trick or treating, with elaborate costumes or parties. No more valentine boxes, or fun classroom parties. Now, those holidays are spent watching other people on social media enjoy them while your kids are at practice. Yes, there comes a day where your kid will have a practice or game on Halloween!!!

• Tee ball games and dance recitals at a young age are sometimes stressful however the anxiety, worry and stress that comes with a varsity tryout or region /district match is a "sick to your stomach type" of feeling. The success and or joy you want your kid to have is always there however the  successes or shortcomings are now displayed in box scores, sports pages and social media outlets for the whole community to comment and see. The joy and/or disappointment your teenager has after a tryout or match last for days, weeks or months and that can either be a blessing or a curse.

• The cookouts and bonfires with kids running around laughing and playing that filled every weekend slowly fade away. Instead they are replaced with, sports, quiet dinners, quick drop ins, dog cuddles, or in my case lots of shirt making!! Photos and memories pop up daily and remind you to be grateful that your kids had a childhood filled with fun, love and adventure but in so many ways you miss those days more than you ever thought you would.

• The worries you have about bumps, and bruises are nothing compared to the worries you will have about friendships, heartaches , and hoping your children make good choices. You will pray to GOD that your child will  make the right decision when presented with a new situation as their decisions now have life changing consequences.

The letting go stage is one I wasn’t prepared for. If you have a friend going through this stage, check in on them, give them a hug and let them know you are there for them. This stage of letting go can be lonely… but also at the same time truly rewarding! If you are a young mom, my advice to you is take it all in…. I know you are tired and overwhelmed but there will come a day that you would give anything to go back to the moment you are currently in.

I can’t make time stay still or slow down but my hope is that my kids know that being their mom has been my biggest blessing!! No matter what stage of life they or I are in, a few things will never change and will remain constant. I will ALWAYS show up for them, I will ALWAYS be their biggest fan, I will ALWAYS be a phone call or Snapchat away and I will ALWAYS love them unconditionally!

With Love,

Molly